Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Inventor of the Hand Job.

Few are aware that 2015 marks the 2,000th anniversary of the birth of Roman advisor Handrewe Jorbe. The Roman Army were able to conquer all before them and the role HJ played in that should not be underestimated. Continuously marching into battle, HJ recognised a need for soldiers to be focused before meeting enemy forces. It is well documented that the Romans favourite pastime was sex, they invented and gave orgies to the world.

After indulging in sexual activity three or four times daily when at home in Rome, soldiers had to suddenly endure cold turkey in battle conditions. Roman Soldiers marched to war in formations of 80, which meant 10 rows, each 8 abreast. Before conflict, soldiers had to stand motionless for quite some time, listening to their Generals final details. During this time, it was found that many of the soldiers, without sex for so long, began to grow erections. This meant, not only being distracted from what the Generals were saying, but also going in to battle frustrated.

Handrewe Jorbe, suggested they utilise a large number of female, and a few male slaves. 'When the Generals begin to speak, a slave will kneel and tend the erection of each soldier. The faster the slaves hand moves, the more inspirational the Generals words will become.' His idea was a huge success, they marched into battle inspired and a somewhat smaller slicing target for the enemy. Because loudspeakers had not yet been invented, Generals and slaves had to repeat the process until each formation of soldiers were prepared for the commencement of battle.

It was teething troubles of the procedure that led to Roman Soldiers wearing the tunics that they are now famously associated with. Early Roman fly zips were so crude that slaves had trouble opening them and wars were delayed in some cases. Fortunately, it was a boom time for new creations and the tunic was the perfect solution. Eventually, the slaves were known as Handrewe's, which became shortened to Hands. Generals readily acknowledged the good work that slaves did. Freeing them, they were enlisted into the army to do what the Emperor described-A Good Job. Elevated to higher status, they were finally given the title-Hands  Job.

The term 'Hand' is now accepted the world over as someone who help or gives assistance. The famous quote-Many Hands Make Light Work-was inspired by the work of those slaves and Handrewe Jorbe. There can be no doubt HJ inspired future generations to always lend a helping hand whenever possible.Let's hope the tradition is maintained for for many more generations.


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