Sunday, 24 March 2013

When Budgets and Brothels Collide.

During the recent Budget the Chancellor announced: "There will be a rise in the cost of alcohol." This was by no means a surprise; paying extra for pleasure has become inevitable. However, alcohol comes in many different guises, and the Exchequer had to reveal each particular increase of -Wine-Spirits-Liqueur Beer and-Cider. Then of course, those rises are relayed, on tv and radio,  throughout the remainder of the day.

The preciseness of those price changes turned my thoughts to future budgets. The issue of 'Legalizing Brothels' has been raised many times, so, history and a mass of publicity awaits the first to open its doors. As more and more open the media will lose interest and brothels will become part of everyday life. There is every likelihood that these establishments will become very prosperous. If so, they will soon receive long hard looks from those men in suits, desperate for extra revenue.

It is here we should realize that sex, similar to alcohol, is very diverse and customers will be buying from an extensive menu. Whatever pleasurable activity they select may well depend on the size of their money pocket. ‘Stopping off for a quick one on the way home,’ will take on a whole new meaning. It won't be too long before today's special is written on the blackboard outside the premises. It will need to promote what is popular and affordable.If these brothels thrive, budgets will become extremely entertaining events.

Orgasmic moans from the opposition bench when the Chancellor announces. “There will be an increase of £1 on all sperm swallowed blow jobs.” When the groans subside he will probably deliver a sweetener. “However, the government is aware that many on low incomes can only afford ‘swallow and spit,’ and for that reason its price will remain firm.” Supporters will yell delight hoping to soften the blow of his next punishing delivery. “Because of incompetence form the last government, I have found it necessary to increase all non-political and upper management gang bangs by £5 a head.”

At this point the cameras will move outside to hear the opinions of a brothel owner. “Gang-bangs are extremely popular with-brides to be-they want a final bit of fun before their big day. Brides don’t pay a penny-we only charge the stag party that she is given to. This increase is sure to reduce the number of  gang bangers; which will mean a far less memorable occasion for the poor bride.”

Back at the newsroom, Government M.Ps. will be grilled. 'Why have blow jobs risen above the rate of inflation? Will this extra cost lead to people staying home with a hand-job while watching a cheap blue movie from the supermarket? Is it true that all council run Glory Holes are about to be swallowed up by the private sector? Why has the Government turned its back on granting permission for 'Anal Only' brothels?

Such legislation will really brighten up political debate: Purely for research, I would even visit a brothel myself; if I could raise enough that is.

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